The edition of Madison magazine’s fall issue, with a fashion series on the cover, renewed my acute awareness of the fashion blindness that has dogged me for these five decades – and will surely afflict me until the end. falls.
I guess many of you are suffering from the same disease.
Here are just the top three of the biggest fashion faux pas of my life:
3. “What are you wearing?”
When my future wife and I started dating at Anderson University, I carefully selected a long-sleeved blue velor button-up shirt, tight-fitting bright red shorts, and an old pair of grizzled basketball sneakers to wear. during our first lunch together. in the school cafeteria.
On a 90 degree day.
” What are you wearing ? she asked. “And why?”
“Why not?” was my only answer to his question, and to my clothing choices in general.
2. Welcome to the “gun show”
A few years later, I fell in love with my arms. For me, they were impressive big guns, honed by hours of curls (for girls, as they say).
In reality, they were long, spindly, pale appendages, as you might see on a limp, anemic crab.
But I was proud of my arms nonetheless, and one summer, all summer, I wore a tight, bright red basketball jersey that exposed my shoulders and arms, which were sometimes a natural bright white and other times red and blistered from the sun.
I shiver now when I see pictures of me flexing in that red singlet. Talk about a total lack of self-awareness!
1. Look peachy
I scored a date with Sandi, the prettiest girl in my class, at our prom. She even asked me to go!
And her invitation had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she had broken up with her longtime boyfriend two weeks prior. And absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she knew I would be without a date. And absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I was completely harmless.
But she had another serious misjudgment, ordering me to choose a tuxedo, only warning that I pick one that wouldn’t go against her peach dress.
So, of course, I chose a peach tuxedo. With a pink belt. An orange bow tie. And tails.
When Sandi first saw me in my outfit, looking like a peach/orange/pink cotton swab with my blond Afro, she literally burst out laughing.
Then she smiled and gave me the sweetest hug.
“You’re hilarious,” she whispered in my ear.
And that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my fashion sense.
Well, I promise Madison’s fall issue features people—models, photographers, salons, and drapers—who actually have fashion sense. You can pick up a free copy of the magazine from the Herald Bulletin and other local businesses.
Starting with today’s journal, each of our pages will be an inch and a half deeper than before. That’s an extra nine column inches per page and 144 column inches in a standard 16-page print edition, adding up to more than a page of extra space to bring the news to you.
In addition, fans of our weekend comics section will notice a change in our programming starting next Saturday. We’re reintroducing Doonesbury, the Pulitzer Prize-winning comic that had been in our newspaper for many years but had been missing for a few years. He will replace Baldo.